Friday, January 22, 2010

2nd Beta

Our second betas came in on Tuesday at 4138.8...more than doubled. Wow!
It is amazing how my heart is beating these days, as if to help our baby(babies) along!

Monday, January 18, 2010

So now what happens...?

Now we pray and we wait....
1824 is a pretty high number for a two day transfer after 14 days. So we either have twins or one very strong fetus. Either way, we are thrilled from the core of our hearts!
We will know for sure, in terms of twins or not, in a few weeks after the first ultrasound. We will know how viable the pregnancy is after the 8 week scan for a heartbeat. My heart is beating now just to feel that!

So then what happened....?

We arrived in Anand, Gujarat on December 31st. The next day we arrived at Dr. Patel's clinic to meet her, the surrogate and family and everyone else involved. As we waited to meet Dr. Patel, another couple walked into the office. Amazingly, it turned out that they live 5 blocks from us in Santa Monica. What are the chances of that occuring?! We could have run into each other at Whole Foods, or the Chevron gas station on the corner. But if that had happened, they would have simply been among the other thousands of strangers we pass by on a daily basis. But here we were on a similar journey, and so we met and connected.
We retrieved 8 eggs on January 2 and they were fertilized that day. Two days later, four of the eight had fertilized and we waited almost the whole day at the clinic just to be able to see them before they were transferred into the surrogate.
After that, we left Anand, spent one more magical day in Amnedabad and flew back to Delhi. We rested a relaxed a few days and then set out for home on what turned out to be one of the most grueling travel back (due to flight delays and cancellations). To make a long story short, we were supposed to be home on January 7, but did not end up arriving home until January 10.
Even as I write this, we have not fully recovered from the exhaustion. Though in my fog and fatigue, however, last night, I could not sleep. I had been reminded by my friend, Pamela, that we should be getting the news any day now. I had a deep feeling that it was coming now.
I tossed and turned all night vowing that I would not check the emails until morning. However, finally, at about 6 AM, I broke down and checked. This was what I opened up:
Dear Najla,
Panna has a Positive result. Beta HCG is 1824. Here with attached report.--

Dr. Nayana PatelAkanksha IVF CenterKaival Hospital, Anand, Gujarat 388001Ph: +

Our Journey Begins!!!

Here I am! The world's worst blogger finally sitting down to write! Well, I promise you that it is not laziness or lack of interest that I have not entered a blog here since July (or on Uma's since her birthday in April!!! Yikes!!) It is truly for lack of time as for this Mom, as it is for many Moms, any time to myself means that I need to plop Uma in front of the TV, or ignore her requests to come play with her, or stay up late at night (which does not work for my energy levels these days) or forfeit gettting the things around the house that I can get done during the hour and a half naptime, which, by the way, seems to be diminishing as Uma gets closer to age 4. Today, an amazing day for many reasons, I actually discovered that Uma's favorite place to be, Giggles and Hugs (a children's restaurant with an indoor playground and yummy food) had Wiifi and a plug. This could be a solution assuming I am willing to lug my computer here each time we come!
However for this blog, there is another reason why I have not entered anything....I just could not. I was very stuck for many months....The pain of the disappointment was paralyzing. I just could not!
I started this blog after we got a negative with Dr Patel in June. When I reread what I wrote, for the first time today, I saw that I did not even mention that! That is how painful it was! After that negative, I spent the next few months doing ALOT of research on IVF and surrogacy. I consulted with a fertility expert in August, read about four books, made friends with other people going through the process. I wrote to many clinics. I was not certain if we would go back to Dr Patel, or try somewhere else. One thing, the only thing, I was certain about was that this time, whereever we went, I needed to go too, so I could speak to and meet the people involved and so that I could see the land where my baby would come from and my first baby and my husband had come from. We needed to go to India in order to make this happen.
I bought plane tickets to New Delhi for the three of us in October, still not totally sure what exactly we were doing, though I had a rough plan in mind . We would travel on Christmas day and come back January 7th. That was really the only time we could travel because of Uma's school. Another whirlwind of events occured and I flowed with it. They led to feel that Dr. Patel was where we needed to go. Just after Thanksgiving, I contacted Dr. Patel and asked her if we could do another fresh cycle when we were in India. To my astonishment, despite her long waiting lists, she agreed to do it Jan.2 with the transfer on Jan. 4. No doubt she extended me this kindness because of my dear friend, Crystal, who is close to her (in India, it definitely helps to know someone!!).
I was terrified of the travel. It seemed soooo intense, and India is an intense place anyway. But I swallowed my fear and all three of us packed up and left on Christmas day. From the stress and angst, my system broke down the day before we traveled and I came down with a terrible cold, which ended up lasting me the entire trip (but that is another story!).
Despite my cold, the trip ended up being totally magical. I absolutely fell in love with India! My fears soon melted into magic and joy as we experienced our first time together on a "vacation" as a family of three. In fact, Adhipen and I had never had a vacation together since we got married! So even as a coule, we had not taken a trip together that would allow us ample time to sightsee and enjoy ourselves. However, it was not just for the joy of the trip, but also for the purpose of our surrogacy journey, that I think that the decision to take that trip was one of the best ones I have ever made. We saw the places, met the people, felt the land, prayed in the temples, tied a red string wishing for our baby at Fatipor Sikri (the place where the Emperor Akbar made a pilgrimage to pray for a baby) and made a statement to the Gods, the Goddesses and the Universe to move the earth and help us bring in our heartfelt dream of a sibling for Uma - a little baby to join our family, to fill our hearts and souls and bring this intense desire, and prior journey of about 5 years, of mine to completion.