Here I am! The world's worst blogger finally sitting down to write! Well, I promise you that it is not laziness or lack of interest that I have not entered a blog here since July (or on Uma's since her birthday in April!!! Yikes!!) It is truly for lack of time as for this Mom, as it is for many Moms, any time to myself means that I need to plop Uma in front of the TV, or ignore her requests to come play with her, or stay up late at night (which does not work for my energy levels these days) or forfeit gettting the things around the house that I can get done during the hour and a half naptime, which, by the way, seems to be diminishing as Uma gets closer to age 4. Today, an amazing day for many reasons, I actually discovered that Uma's favorite place to be, Giggles and Hugs (a children's restaurant with an indoor playground and yummy food) had Wiifi and a plug. This could be a solution assuming I am willing to lug my computer here each time we come!
However for this blog, there is another reason why I have not entered anything....I just could not. I was very stuck for many months....The pain of the disappointment was paralyzing. I just could not!
I started this blog after we got a negative with Dr Patel in June. When I reread what I wrote, for the first time today, I saw that I did not even mention that! That is how painful it was! After that negative, I spent the next few months doing ALOT of research on IVF and surrogacy. I consulted with a fertility expert in August, read about four books, made friends with other people going through the process. I wrote to many clinics. I was not certain if we would go back to Dr Patel, or try somewhere else. One thing, the only thing, I was certain about was that this time, whereever we went, I needed to go too, so I could speak to and meet the people involved and so that I could see the land where my baby would come from and my first baby and my husband had come from. We needed to go to India in order to make this happen.
I bought plane tickets to New Delhi for the three of us in October, still not totally sure what exactly we were doing, though I had a rough plan in mind . We would travel on Christmas day and come back January 7th. That was really the only time we could travel because of Uma's school. Another whirlwind of events occured and I flowed with it. They led to feel that Dr. Patel was where we needed to go. Just after Thanksgiving, I contacted Dr. Patel and asked her if we could do another fresh cycle when we were in India. To my astonishment, despite her long waiting lists, she agreed to do it Jan.2 with the transfer on Jan. 4. No doubt she extended me this kindness because of my dear friend, Crystal, who is close to her (in India, it definitely helps to know someone!!).
I was terrified of the travel. It seemed soooo intense, and India is an intense place anyway. But I swallowed my fear and all three of us packed up and left on Christmas day. From the stress and angst, my system broke down the day before we traveled and I came down with a terrible cold, which ended up lasting me the entire trip (but that is another story!).
Despite my cold, the trip ended up being totally magical. I absolutely fell in love with India! My fears soon melted into magic and joy as we experienced our first time together on a "vacation" as a family of three. In fact, Adhipen and I had never had a vacation together since we got married! So even as a coule, we had not taken a trip together that would allow us ample time to sightsee and enjoy ourselves. However, it was not just for the joy of the trip, but also for the purpose of our surrogacy journey, that I think that the decision to take that trip was one of the best ones I have ever made. We saw the places, met the people, felt the land, prayed in the temples, tied a red string wishing for our baby at Fatipor Sikri (the place where the Emperor Akbar made a pilgrimage to pray for a baby) and made a statement to the Gods, the Goddesses and the Universe to move the earth and help us bring in our heartfelt dream of a sibling for Uma - a little baby to join our family, to fill our hearts and souls and bring this intense desire, and prior journey of about 5 years, of mine to completion.
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